@matthiasjbarker: If you’re dating somebody with an avoidant attachment style, here are some tips to have you navigate through the relationship: “I Feel Statements” Not “I feel like you” Statements: Initiate conversations about feelings without being accusational. Use “I feel…” instead of “You always…” Also make sure *not* to follow “I feel” with an accusation like, “I feel like you always focused on yourself,” that’s not an emotion, that’s an interpretation. If “I feel” is followed by “you” that’s a signal to back up and reevaluate. Use feeling words like sad, disappointed, afraid, or lonely when I don’t hear from you (for example). Negotiate Needs With Invitations: Clearly communicate your desires with an invitation to negotiation HOW to meet relational need. For example, "I understand you need your space sometimes; regular communication is essential for me to feel connected. How can we set up an expectation that works well for both of us?" This isn’t making them responsible for your emotions, this is laying out the cause and effect for them: your behavior influences my connection with you. Our conversation should express a warm invitation into mutually discussing how to meet both of our relational needs. Allow For Breaks and Check Back In: If they need space, respect it, but discuss a time frame to come back together and find a solution. For instance, “I understand you need some alone time. Can we reconnect or figure out a solution together in a couple of hours?”

Matthias J Barker

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Friday 29 September 2023 23:01:34 GMT