Aluin Ranice :
Too cringe, too weird, too violent, then got old enough for no need to gain empathy from others, then got even more violent, gained hate, and so I hate, and I hate, on the girl I loved the most, on the friends that didn't talk to me, then another girl came, and ruined it, and then I liked her, them she left, came back a year later, then left, I used to pull punches when she left, but now, after she left again, I have no punched to pull, I cannot hate, I cannot rage, I can only be sad, and so I realised how weird I was, saying unheard apologies to myself for those I weirded out, for those I cringed out, for those I hurt, the girl I loved has a kid now, she's 18 this year, she's beautiful, she has someone, I'm happy for them, the girl I loved after she uhm, she's doing great in her studies, I cannot hate, I cannot love someone fully? I don't know how that works, I ain't ready for love no matter how much I wanted it, I don't want to hurt anyone else, now it's just live and try to have fun and not go a bit crazy while living, no hate, no love, just life, 17 and scared of life happening, unfolding, evolving, growing, scared, scared and sad but undeserving, I liked another girl, tried to, I told her I liked her, I knew after we continued talking, the type of person she was into wasn't like me at all, and so all I can be is just someone to talk to, her guy is in prison, her guy...is a loverboy, I used to be but, I got too weak to continue, the guy is a guy I can trust to protect her, same as my first crush, hhh, sorry, it's just around 3 am and I'm too sad or just don't wanna keep it in, I hate nice girls, I hate nice people, I prefer everyone's hate cause I know it's true, why is life so fun, why does it hurt, I didn't know this when I was 12, I was only worrying about games and hoping I don't get I'm trouble with.mum, strong Women, she has another women now as her lover, they both make eachother strong, I'm just happy she smiled more, and no need to be strong everywhere she goes, I'm happy for her,.I hear them at night, they aren't quiet, I put on headphones and play music, I'm happy for them, I hope my sister is asleep, I hope everyone has a good day.
2025-06-07 23:00:04