@ashtasticart: I might delete this idk. But I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not for the comfort of others. I have such amazing people in my life who actually matter. Who take time out of their day to message me and talk to me. Who try to understand my disabilities. I love my mom. For without her I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have such a beautiful and strong caring woman to look up to. She does so much for everyone expecting nothing in return and I admire how much she loves. I only hope she continues to live her best life and be happy and that I can be like her. I love my friends who have supported me and my art. Who have seen me at my worst and still continue to believe in me and love me. Who would fight for me in an instant. I love my partner who inspired me to get therapy when he started going. Who helped me when I was sick from trying medications for my disabilities. Who helps me brush my hair and eat when the depression hits too hard. I love all of my siblings Nolan, Emily and Jeffry two of which I didn’t talk to until just a few years ago but since day one treated me like I’ve always been there. I love Nolan who I got to spend so much of my life with and I’m so grateful to watch grow into a carrying young dude. I love my dad and step mom who have only shown care and support and want to make sure my needs are also met. They care so much about my moms side and hope only for the best. I love my friends who are LGBTQ+, disabled, immigrants, children of immigrants, or part of any minority group. So I can’t act like it’s okay when I hear racist things. I can’t act like it’s okay to be told my experiences are invalid because “I turned out fine”. I don’t need hate. I don’t need racism, bigotry, transphobia, hate or anything of that kind. I don’t need to mourn a man that brought on constant harm to others and people that I know, love, and care for. I don’t need to defend how I feel or why I and my friends should be able to exist peacefully. I don’t need a woman in my life that uses my grandpa as a blade to cut me because I won’t do what she says. All my life that woman bullied me for being “fat” under the guise of caring about my health but never once did she ACTUALLY care about my mental health. I won’t let people control me anymore. I don’t blindly follow words. She can say anything she wants about me and be as nasty as she wants but I live by actual facts and I know what I’ve been through and what I’ve seen and heard. I live by seeing how people are being harmed. I read ballots and bills. I see the active destruction how can I stay silent? If you can’t love me without wanting to change me, core parts about me, than you don’t actually love me. I am proud to be pansexual. I am proud to be nonbinary. My AUDDH/Depression/Anxiety don’t make me less of a person. I am proud to be my own person. I am proud to stand up for myself for once in my life and know that I am loved and respected. My James would be happy to know I’m living my life the best I can right now and that can never be taken away. That man always supported and loved me no matter what. He and my mom are true unconditional loving people. Sometimes going no contact is best when people only tear others down. I’m glad to still have my mom and Nolan and continue to build relationships with people who love and care about me and not just when it’s convenient. I’m fucking tired as hell man and my depression came back in full swing. But I will keep living even if out of spite. I will be happy knowing I am not pretending to be anything. I will be happy knowing I don’t need someone else’s approval or validation. #vent

Ash & Cheese

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Thursday 11 September 2025 18:35:35 GMT