@relationshipswithaly: To combat the defensiveness, find ways to calm and soothe that underlying emotional threat. Here’s a step by step: 1. Pause and take a deep breathe before responding to your partner 2. Identify the underlying emotional threat, and attend to that with soothing self talk 3. For example, if the threat is: “I’m afraid that my pain will be less important if I don’t share it first” you can say to yourself: “My pain is important. Hearing my partner’s pain does not diminish my own. There is enough room for both of us in this relationship, and I don’t need to claim more of that space in this moment that they chose to be vulnerable.” 4. If you’re still having a hard time hearing them, let them know. “My defensiveness is rising up. Can we co-regulate for a moment to remind me that it is safe here and I can stay present?” 5. Co-regulate: Hold hands or hug and breathe in and out together for 1 full minute. Repeat as needed. Disclaimer: IG is not therapy. This content is for educational and entertainment purposes only. This will not apply to everyone. #anxiety #depression #communication #communication #therapy #therapistsofinstagram #couplestherapy #couple #dating #marriage #marriageadvice #mft #MentalHealth #wellness #Love #problemsolving #negotiation #conflictresolution #conflict

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