Erin Rackham, PhD
Region: US
Thursday 25 April 2024 15:29:09 GMT
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Angeles :
I was raised similarly. I cried alone. I laughed alone. It felt like my family could never handle seeing me emote like a human. Even my joy would trigger them.
2024-04-25 15:46:38
132
Sequoia Mossgrove :
damn..... so true. like just the insistence on "oh no don't cry!" okay guess I'll dissociate lol
2024-04-25 15:58:17
48
🍉🇨🇦NotYouGuillermo✌️🍉 :
I was told “no one can hurt your feelings without your permission” and I’ve been in therapy since 6th grade, I only JUST realized that this has been the one message that did the most damage (now @ 35)
2024-04-27 21:59:31
32
Kamila 🆘 🇺🇲 🇨🇿 :
I see this as generations of family way of coping with fitting into society norms.
2024-04-26 10:11:03
29
nix :
my mother really suppressed my emotions and literally put words in my mouth of how I "felt". it got to the point when I was just Angry and she put me in anger management
2024-04-25 19:59:28
17
Alien_hand_syndrome :
And I find myself getting frustrated with people who DONT do that. Which isn’t fair! It’s my own resentment.
2024-04-25 16:40:05
17
Mandy :
I got grounded for 'talking back' when I was just disagreeing or upset (also dx with OCD as an adult) - so I grew up and would just cry when I'd get in an argument 😅
2024-04-25 15:37:30
15
Jessica May Jensen :
Yes. I always wondered how to explain it because my mum was very understanding but would still want to “fix” the big emotion promptly.
2024-04-25 21:30:44
14
legerebooks :
Yep definitely similar. Our family got stuff done. Slowing down to feel was not a thing at least not consistently. And "bad" emotions were not really allowed
2024-04-25 18:52:06
13
scorpiosun.capricornmoon :
If I cried my parents told me to “stop crying before I really give you something to cry about.” Launghing too much was not allowed because it was silly. And anger was sinful. And if we were too happy
2024-04-25 22:14:17
11
Fragmania :
I was only allowed to express the “good” emotions. No negative was ever allowed to show or be spoken about. If it was it was through 1:1 and never with the family.
2024-04-25 15:58:22
9
🏳️🌈✨Jac✨🇨🇦 :
“Stop being so dramatic” is all I heard. My feelings were too big in their opinion 😕
2024-04-25 15:33:25
9
Lil.treehouse :
I love a good parasocial therapy session. Thank you for sharing 💗
2024-04-26 05:48:53
5
gnarc0tics :
Really relatable. Ty you for sharing Erin ❤️
2024-04-25 15:57:35
5
Ashley DAmico :
I’ve been thinking on this a lot. My kids crying really triggers me and I encourage feeling but I also see how I want them to be able to control them. It’s another step
2024-04-25 18:54:40
4
m✨ :
My emotions were so chronically dismissed that I ended up in an OCD loop/state of psychosis that almost cost me my life. It was the most terrifying experience of my life, worse than the abuse itself
2024-04-25 16:21:26
4
InspireResistance :
Oof. You pulled this out of my brain
2024-05-18 07:11:25
3
Kitty 🍉 :
Unfortunately thats how it was in my house. I was always too sensitive... honestly could use some intense trauma therapy.
2024-04-25 19:01:21
3
Selin :
They would yell if they could hear me crying in my room from their room so I remember trying to silence my cries while holding a stuffed animal 😞 no wonder I cant process my emotions now
2024-04-25 17:53:18
3
Frank :
I didn't send this video to my mom cause it won't help, but gosh do I want to 💕 thank you
2024-04-25 15:47:17
3
Yumnori :
I think control is still prioritized these days. a lot of books about emotions focus on how to calm down.
2024-05-10 23:56:13
2
Mel 🍉 :
my mom would shut down any negative emotions I had, but I was (and still am) expected to manage hers
2024-05-01 18:48:26
2
Spacey Philosopher :
Same... more so reinforced because all outsiders commented about how mature I was being or how strong I was being during those hard times
2024-04-26 23:52:09
2
Kayla Jane :
“Suck it up” was legit the trademark phrase out of my mom’s mouth every day.
2024-04-26 15:03:26
2
Heather, etc :
“You’re flying off the handle” was a common phrase I heard when I was upset.
2024-04-25 22:51:01
2
Fairylights :
Being told “words can’t hurt you” when I was too young to understand it which led to me becoming super efficient at dismissive of my emotions rather than being dismissive of others’ opinions of me.👏
2024-05-22 00:09:11
1
A Galactic Theorist :
real question & I’ve never found the answer: HOW do you do this? I have cognitively understood this for years but still can’t do it. I don’t understand, wasn’t taught & just don’t know.
2024-05-21 14:15:26
1
Chaos in a Meat Suit :
Daaamn. Yeah, okay. It was always “don’t take things personally” about like everything. Totally invalidating as a kid, especially since I didn’t understand what that even meant. 🙄
2024-05-15 07:32:13
1
Brittany Lynn :
I am always trying to help my daughter who I'd auadhd work through emotions but I try to fix it as quick as possible. Even through all of my therapy big emotions scare me still.
2024-05-09 22:12:42
1
Barrysdaughter717 :
I had to control all my big emotions, but my mother was able to have all her feelings!!
2024-05-02 19:40:21
1
There's Just So Many Things :
YES, exactly. I also had a time limit on big feelings, essentially
2024-05-02 02:30:42
1
Popoto 💖 :
I use the explanation with my kid that the feeling is okay to have, but we can’t kick people when we’re feeling angry. We can’t pass our feelings on to others so this is how we feel them.
2024-04-29 13:58:18
1
DID Rebel :
We raised our kids to express their emotions and encouraged it but made them aware they were accountable for their behavior or reactions. And asked them what did they learn. Then we'd talk about it
2024-04-27 16:44:20
1
miak01 :
Can I please talk to you privately? I really need help with some ocd I have!!
2024-04-26 22:06:29
1
Lindsay :
I mean I could experience them but I generally faced some kind of consequence
2024-04-26 04:08:53
1
Lizzzzzzzzzzz :
I feel like there has to be balance. Feel the feelings but then move through them so you can do whatever you need to do. If we're completely ruled by our emotions we aren't using our thinking brains
2024-04-26 03:07:36
1
Joshua :
Did you grow up poor? I'm just curious because I did, and what you're describing is similar to my experience, and I've noticed this same pattern with poor families.
2024-04-26 00:52:18
1
Cass :
I kinda was raised similarly... Tho my parents alot of the time gave me the response of not believing me.or giving me the feeling of being to dramatic. Even if I said just o look I'm bleeding 😒
2024-04-25 21:48:16
1
soundofgrey :
Yes!🙌🏽 Now I don’t trust my instincts cuz my parents ingrained in me you’re supposed to do shit even when you’re miserable and basically ignore signals that your body doesn’t feel safe etc
2024-04-25 20:12:24
1
Milo :
Heavily relatable. Such a survival mindset, and now I’m trying to learn how to *thrive*
2024-04-25 16:53:13
1
Kenna :
That "stoicism" is a recipe for autoimmune disorders as I'm learning personally. I'm also self diagnosed PDA, provider diagnosed ADHD, EDS, etc. Trauma survivor as well. Mind-body connection focus atm
2025-03-05 19:13:08
0
Static :
Yep, we definitely were required to minimize all emotions.
2024-06-01 06:30:18
0
Kit :
I grew up in a stoic house 🥲 ps also an addict, thankfully in recovery
2024-05-20 00:27:12
0
Verónica :
1/2In a capitalist society they are not wrong though. It is the only way forward. One should know how to control their emotions outwardly. Processing them fully is a different thing, to be able to
2024-05-15 07:27:08
0
SimplyBeingCreative :
my daughter is a mellenium, and I encouraged her to feel her emotions. I taught her to not act out of the destructive ones, feel them, but let them fade away before acting. generalisations never work
2024-05-11 22:36:35
0
Annaka (An-Nuh-Kuh) :
being raised with religion is being gaslit everyday. we're gaslit to view reality thru a lens of distortion. this sets us up for failure later & makes the learning curve dangerously sharp in our 20's
2024-05-11 19:30:27
0
Jerrika91 :
Knowing that you grew up Mormon makes this make sense. You can’t acknowledge, recognize, or feel emotions if you’re supposed to be grateful all the time and scattering sunshine all along your way.
2024-05-09 14:55:14
0
Shannon :
I can relate so much to feeling a build up of unprocessed emotion
2024-05-02 00:02:43
0
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