@relationshipswithaly: The most common cycle I see in couples therapy. And let me be clear, I don’t think the word “nag” is fair or helpful, but that is the word that so many of you use, so let’s break it down here. Definition of “nag” on google: annoy or irritate a person with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging. Is that what she is doing in this video? NO. She asked a simple, relevant question. However, since her partner is stuck in negative sentiment override, he is interpreting her question as nagging and reacting defensively, which also is. not. helpful. and he does apologize for that. 
Here’s what they both could have done better: She could have started with a clearer statement - “Hey, you’ve been talking about your tooth a lot. Have you made an appointment?” He could have responded with graciousness to her original question. “Nope, I haven’t made it yet, thanks for the reminder. By the way, please don’t ask me about it again.” In this video, before they escalate the argument farther, she recognizes what’s happening. She takes a breath, takes accountability, and changes tone. He follows her lead and takes accountability as well. They end with a resolution. Should it always be her job to manage his defensive reactions. NO! This is equally on him, and next video I’ll show an example of that! If you need help with defensive reactions, comment “WORKBOOK” and I’ll send you the link to my Understanding Your Defensiveness workbook. ($10)

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Thursday 12 September 2024 18:45:00 GMT