@iliane2004:

ÏLLïpatriçíä2004
ÏLLïpatriçíä2004
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While I’ve been open about my journey with PPD after my first, particularly with the intersection between my PPD and our feeding journey, I think this is the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever shared. I was looking through old photos last week, being nostalgic after my oldest’s 6th birthday, and I was struck by the discrepancy between these comments from loved ones and the thoughts I was living with during that time. Even now, 6 years and many months of therapy later, the comments sting. Because I WANTED to feel the way that everyone else did. I WANTED to feel the way everyone expected me to feel. I WANTED to feel the way I thought a “good mother” would. And instead I felt alternately full of shame and guilt and full of absolute apathy. No one told me PPD could look like this. I said “no” when my sister asked if I was thinking of hurting myself or my baby at 2 weeks postpartum (the COURAGE it took her to look me in the eye and ask me this— I’m so grateful) and I believed it, so I thought that meant I couldn’t have PPD. No one told me PPD could look like: -Intrusive thoughts -Dissociation -Lack of interest in basically anything -Not eating enough -Feelings of resentment toward my spouse and baby -Anger at feeling mislead about the reality of new motherhood by basically everyone -Intense feelings of regret and a desire to flee PPD stole so much from me that first year. I’m still working through pieces of it in therapy 6 years later (and have also been helped tremendously by medication). If you’re in this place— if these thoughts feel familiar to you— please get help. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to enjoy moments with your baby. You deserve to look back and admire strong you were to climb out of that hole when you could barely muster the energy to take another step. If you can’t relate to these thoughts, I’d encourage you to be careful about how you talk to new parents about new parenthood. There’s something damaging about stating, “Isn’t it just the best?!” when someone feels, “My God, this is the worst.” Check in on your friends. So many of us are not okay after birth. . . . #postpartumdepression #ppd #ppa #pmads #postpartummentalhealth
While I’ve been open about my journey with PPD after my first, particularly with the intersection between my PPD and our feeding journey, I think this is the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever shared. I was looking through old photos last week, being nostalgic after my oldest’s 6th birthday, and I was struck by the discrepancy between these comments from loved ones and the thoughts I was living with during that time. Even now, 6 years and many months of therapy later, the comments sting. Because I WANTED to feel the way that everyone else did. I WANTED to feel the way everyone expected me to feel. I WANTED to feel the way I thought a “good mother” would. And instead I felt alternately full of shame and guilt and full of absolute apathy. No one told me PPD could look like this. I said “no” when my sister asked if I was thinking of hurting myself or my baby at 2 weeks postpartum (the COURAGE it took her to look me in the eye and ask me this— I’m so grateful) and I believed it, so I thought that meant I couldn’t have PPD. No one told me PPD could look like: -Intrusive thoughts -Dissociation -Lack of interest in basically anything -Not eating enough -Feelings of resentment toward my spouse and baby -Anger at feeling mislead about the reality of new motherhood by basically everyone -Intense feelings of regret and a desire to flee PPD stole so much from me that first year. I’m still working through pieces of it in therapy 6 years later (and have also been helped tremendously by medication). If you’re in this place— if these thoughts feel familiar to you— please get help. You deserve to feel better. You deserve to enjoy moments with your baby. You deserve to look back and admire strong you were to climb out of that hole when you could barely muster the energy to take another step. If you can’t relate to these thoughts, I’d encourage you to be careful about how you talk to new parents about new parenthood. There’s something damaging about stating, “Isn’t it just the best?!” when someone feels, “My God, this is the worst.” Check in on your friends. So many of us are not okay after birth. . . . #postpartumdepression #ppd #ppa #pmads #postpartummentalhealth

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