Tell The Bees
Region: US
Wednesday 16 July 2025 23:47:24 GMT
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trystanrae :
Mmm I usually agree with your takes but avoidants don’t usuallly present their intentions upfront. They start out open and emotionally available and as the relationship progresses and gets more intimate, they start to clam up/push away. Anxious/avoidants have a weird symbiotic relationship and attract each other because they reinforce the other’s core wounds/beleifs; which are fear of abandonment and intimacy respectively.
2025-07-17 00:56:09
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B R I T T A N Y ⚜️ M E L :
This had to be rooted in the good woman/good man ideology: If you do everything right and play by the rules, you should be rewarded with a relationship. And these people are the ones who crash out the most when they see people who didn’t “follow the rules” get what they feel they themselves deserved.
2025-07-17 00:49:53
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Morgan Bowling :
You gotta go see Oh, Hi!
2025-07-25 21:01:53
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N T889 :
The issue is not that they don't want to date people. The issue is that they use the promises of a potential relationship or dangle that above people or acts in relationship leaning ways that end up gaslighting the person and breadcrumbing them into thinking that there is more there
2025-07-17 18:30:06
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A :
I swear all these people watched 500 days of summer and decided that Tom was actually right and fully misunderstood that movie lol
2025-07-17 00:01:23
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R a c h e l :
I don’t disagree with this. At the same time as a straight woman who dates men, I’m finding in my 40s that many men lie about what they’re interested in at the beginning of dating in order to find some kind of emotional closeness for a period. My solution has been to stop dating.
2025-07-17 02:56:16
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lovebeingliterate :
Oh my god finally. Anxious attached people always expect avoidant/healthy attached people to change their entire lives to meet their needs. Sure, I can try to text you more frequently, but can you try to work on not needing constant communication? They’re never willing to put in work themselves
2025-07-17 00:08:20
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Ally Grzywacz :
just adding some nuance to the conversation…I think the average person does not communicate (verbal and nonverbal) as well as they think they do. I took all of these completely differently and based on my own experience, it’s that if you are someone who is looking for love in good faith, people (men in my experience) will take advantage of that to a wide level of degree and do what they can to “keep you on the hook” until it becomes unmanageable for one or both parties. these folks sound jaded more than anything else to me
2025-07-17 21:04:17
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chaismiso :
attachment issues are real, once you go through this crazy experience then you'll understand. i don't tolerate people who can't tolerate and respect me enough to not mess with me and my mental health. I'm not your side character or a lesson or a experience. I'm a person. and i don't want to be abandoned because someone feels like it
2025-07-30 15:40:50
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WilsonReid :
The mature, responsible thing would be to NOT sleep with a person who you know's only focus is to be in a long term, committed relationship. Especially when they are younger and don't know any better, if you're into that kind of thing...👀
2025-07-17 02:14:36
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soph :
I’m working through an anxious attachment style (I’ve very much been the person described here in the past) and I’m starting to date again after a long break. Pretty quickly hit up against some old patterns that I’m trying to unlearn. My friend just hit me with “Do you want a partner or do you want proof that you’re lovable?” and goddamn is that something I’m gonna have to take a few business weeks to sit with.
2025-07-17 05:57:46
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adzukibeanbean :
It’s fine for people in their 30s to not want commitment, what’s confusing is people on apps ticking BOTH long term relationship and intimacy without commitment. Like come on be upfront
2025-07-17 03:59:06
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eddykainee :
“True agency is to stop dating and figure out why you date ppl who don’t like you” whewww a word! That’s literally how I’ve been spending my summer! I got tired of being in the same situation & looked inward & started taking accountability
2025-07-17 02:42:05
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keshaaax0 :
i don’t think it’s a bad thing if someone openly doesn’t want to be held down, even in their 30s, as an individual. i always thought that complaint was more about a general sentiment of men not wanting serious relationships overall, not like frustration at a specific person
2025-07-17 14:05:03
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E ⚡️ :
I think a lot more people need to understand that a lot of the time, the object of their affection is not avoidant, they’re avoiding THEM.
2025-07-17 02:03:15
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Danielle :
The issue with the men on apps who are older and say they don’t want to be “held down” is that they expect held down behavior from the women. They will say they want kids and it’s like, you know there’s a timeline women are working with, right? Trust me, they say that and then act exactly like a boyfriend so they can get women to give their emotional labor.
2025-07-17 00:49:49
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kayla :
In a situationship one person has compromise self esteem and the other has compromised integrity!!!
2025-07-17 13:15:31
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Connor Sweeney :
A lot of dating issues boil down to “they just aren’t that into you.”
2025-07-17 02:49:14
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funky town express :
Avoidant attachment isn’t “bad” and anxious attachment isn’t “good” they’re both insecure attachment styles and cause the person themselves and the people around them to struggle in relationships. Idk why everyone is insisting one is better than the other or more right in a dating situation 😭
2025-07-17 02:39:26
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Grace :
Reading attached as an avoidant person was basically a diss track to me. Have you read it? It’s all about making anxious people feel better about being anxious.
2025-07-17 10:21:41
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user4425063294119 :
Thank you. I get so heated when someone’s like “he said he just wants to hook up but when’ve been together for six months how can I make him like me” but now I’ll just remember that they want to be victims. I’ll let them be.
2025-07-17 18:49:36
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Large_adult_son :
People act like being ready for a relationship is a linear thing. Like “why aren’t you ready at X age??” Maybe they were! Maybe they got married at 22 and just got divorced. Maybe a very long relationship ended and they’re just getting back out there
2025-07-17 15:48:24
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Mouna :
Honestly I respect more someone who tells me upfront that he doesn’t want a relationship that he just wants to focus on himself than a guy who manipulate me and tries to create a false sense of intimacy to get what he wants! Not wanted a relationship doesn’t make u a bad person we all have our reasons but just be honest
2025-07-18 11:56:22
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Britt ✨ :
I think we’re mixing up secure people who don’t want to date/marry with avoidant people who DO want connection but don’t go about it in a healthy way. Avoidants and anxious people are magnets for each other. It’s not just anxious people seeking them out…
2025-07-17 10:41:08
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abbt :
We also use anxious and avoidant attachment as like personality types and I’m pretty sure one person can have different types of attachment
2025-07-17 06:51:44
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