@milly_bagz: Some of you know, and most of you probably don’t, but pregnancy was extreamly hard for me. From the hyperemesis, to the anxiety, to the cholestasis, all the way to the preterm labor. Every day I was pregnant and for the next 6 weeks postpartum I took/take blood thinners to help Maddox grow. I spent every 2 weeks in therapy with 2 different therapists. I saw my OBGYN and MFM with ultrasounds and heart beat checks pretty much every 2 weeks. And in the end I got monitored twice weekly with NSTs. Pregnancy for me was for sure the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done in my life. Getting over my fear of getting shots, managing my anxiety and learning to talk about my worries, panicking for every ultrasound we had no matter how excited I was for them. Being high risk and having very strict restrictions and not being able to be myself. I used to feel so bad the last few weeks praying he would just come because I was so miserable. Everyone said “oh you saw him at 5 weeks thats so early” but it was to make sure he was okay. People said “sleep now because you won’t when he comes” but truth is having him out of me feels so much better than having him in me. I spent months getting infusions for hydration and nutrients. I spent months worrying about if my body was growing him correctly. I spent months thinking about his big brother and how my body failed him, and the guilt of it growing his little brother. But I grew to have my doctors be my friends and part of his family. I grew to see that everyone who saw me lose Fenix watched me bring Maddox home. I grew to know my body FINALLY did what it was supposed to do. I grew to accept that Maddox will probably be the only baby I’ll ever have because it was so difficult. I grew to love a little boy who gets to call me mommy one day. I grew to know I’m stronger than I thought even when I’m down. I grew to know everything I do, I do for him. High risk pregnancy isn’t fun. It isn’t getting to see the baby more often. It’s worrying about is everything gonna be okay. As a mom with a 5 week premature baby it’s still worrying if he’s doing okay. And that will never change. But as much as everyone said I would miss being pregnant, I don’t. Having Maddox here and feeling like the wife, the daughter, the daughter in law, and coworker I was before I was pregnant makes me feel so much better about myself. So to anyone with a high risk pregnancy, to anyone who knows these feelings know that you’re not alone. To anyone who’s experienced a loss and went on to have a healthy baby, know your feelings are valid. And if you or someone you know needs someone who understands, know I’m always here. Maddox will forever be my first and second baby all in one. He’s the second baby I’ve gave birth to but he’s my first everything else. The first baby I’ve brought home, the first baby I’ve breast fed, the first baby who will call me mommy one day, the first bath I’ve given, and most importantly the first I’ve had to learn to be a mom too. Baby boy you were worth it all. I love you Maddox, with all my heart. Love, Mommy 💙 #fyp

Mills 💕

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Saturday 19 July 2025 00:53:37 GMT