carrot :
OHHH THIS IS AMAZINGG (I didn’t expect him to react like that, but at the same time it makes so much sense and I loved the chapter but it’s also making me suffer).
okay so, based on this… I’m now pretty convinced that the event I always talked about is probably SA. Or at least some kind of major violation. something REALLY big. and this is his way of coping with it.
Or maybe it wasn’t him directly but someone really close to him? Like his mother? And for some reason he had to witness it. either that or it WAS him. But either way, he blames himself for it happening even though i’m pretty sure it wasn’t his fault. that’s just such a common thing for people who’ve been assaulted or traumatized to feel.
and like I mentioned in my last comment, maybe watching that kind of stuff gives him some weird sense of control over it. or comfort, in a twisted way. Or well, any of the reasons i listed before or maybe a mix of them.
also, since that particular movie is EXACTLY like what happened to his student, maybe sometimes he even gets urges? like intrusive thoughts to hurt or do something bad. so by watching these kinds of movies, it’s his way of coping or keeping those urges contained. i’m not saying he actually wants to do anything but it could be part of the reason he’s so drawn to it. like studying the monster to keep it in a cage. i don’t know though, that part is still not clear to me.
now what REALLY surprised me was his reaction. i have 4 theories about why he reacted the way he did: 1. maybe a part of him actually WANTED Victoria to find out about this side of him. maybe because he really likes her and since she already snooped he thought “welp. now you know.” He DID leave the dvds kind of in plain sight, right? like, not super hidden. So maybe a small part of him wanted her to discover it. maybe he was testing her. does she accept him as he is? will she reject him? can she handle the parts of him he hates? 2. he might be completely freaking out internally but trying to “act normal.” like, if he stays calm maybe she won’t freak out either. maybe that’s why he casually explained where he got the DVD, talking about it like it’s just another collector’s item. ++
2025-07-20 16:49:24