theSpencerguy
Region: US
Thursday 24 July 2025 20:18:00 GMT
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prudentgiraffe :
The irony of it is that all gender and all expression is performance. Every interaction is a performance. A subconscious performance, but a performance nonetheless. Whether that performance is reflective of the “real” you or not, you still perform it in a specific way to signal specific things to specific groups of people. These men are just following trends and it’s fine. If reading performatively on a park bench is what gets them to read bell hooks, then great!
2025-07-25 03:26:59
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Minhal :
Absolutely agree, I worry that the performative male discourse will result in more men being afraid of engaging in hobbies or behaviors labeled as “feminine”
2025-07-25 02:08:32
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Carter B :
You’re in group 2… Aren’t you Squidward 😏
2025-07-25 21:42:47
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HITC :
I’ve always hated the term glazing for that reason exactly. Nail on the fkn head
2025-07-24 23:13:00
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@pj.megaw 🍉 :
It’s the same thing as the SIMP feedback loop.
2025-07-24 23:14:28
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Crisp :
similar thing happened with the word "simp" started as a way to call out reply guys but now anyone that shows any kind of affection or interest EVEN FOR THEIR PARTNERS gets called a simp
2025-07-25 05:22:34
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frog? :
it's gotten to the point that ppl call dudes performative for dressing nice, being outside, or being kind .... which is just toxic masculinity again
2025-07-25 13:18:32
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Will :
I would go to your bar just for the discussion
2025-07-24 20:49:02
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J 5 :
The solution: go to a coffee shop and read a Warhammer book.
2025-07-27 16:25:19
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Casey Carrington :
I just bought a book because of this tik tok
2025-07-26 04:44:13
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Kinshasa Smith :
I hear you but you have to understand. Women have to check that every guy that interact with is actually who they say they are and that takes time, yes their are men who share these characteristics but over time that can be will be shown. As a guy you just have to accept that, it’s not your fault other guys have made it this way but it’s hard to say that we’re suffering or anything. Sure you might have to put in a little bit more work to connect with a woman but you gotta remember all she’s had to and has to go through to get to this point of talking to you, which honestly is just going to deepen your connection in the future. Just be confident in who you are and that will be shown over time.
2025-07-25 22:16:31
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Mike | Novice Cinephile :
As a guy who legitimately likes matcha and romance books, this entire thing has been hell. I can't be myself without being "performative." It's crazy.
2025-07-25 06:05:22
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Jamez 🇵🇸 :
OH MY GOD THANK YOU. ive wanted to say something about this but im not smart enough to articulate it properly and you did it excellently
2025-07-26 02:43:24
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Tony :
A huge missed point imo is that performativity is an intersexual issue where men are not calling other men performative in a pejorative way but instead women who are targets of manipulative practices coined the term which now gained widespread popularity. In my eyes it is women who are calling judgment onto who they believe is performative therefore hindering men who had legitimate shared interests. An unfortunate side effect to a positive effort from women naming and calling out ill intentioned individuals which turned to flagging anyone who shared those traits as a performative male which carries a negative connotation.
2025-07-25 21:27:16
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UberEric :
Well said, I’d like to offer one addendum: as men, it is on us to call out the men who are actually using these tactics as being manipulative to knock it off. It’s on us to hold each other accountable.
2025-07-25 17:34:46
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The last airsick lowlander :
We really just need to stop caring about what other people think
2025-07-24 22:51:59
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tomat :
Sure and also… I don’t think the goal should be to make everyone perfectly comfortable with who you are, or to sand yourself down to avoid misinterpretation. That’s a form of people pleasing. Show up at a coffee shop readying the books you want, wearing the styles you want to embody. The people who take issue with that, or falsely identify you as a bad actor, that’s on them and they can filter themselves out of your life
2025-07-26 02:26:49
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Purple🇵🇸 :
great style of video btw
2025-07-26 02:12:33
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Josiah Nisly :
And it goes further than “what if people think I’m performative.” You start to question yourself a bit: “do I actually want to read more and try new styles, or am I just trying to appeal to the female gaze and don’t realize it.” That suppression is internal too!
2025-07-25 15:12:40
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Travis :
I guess we’re doing this today.
2025-07-25 18:03:09
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raindog2020 :
Reading a book outside/in cozy public spots is like… my favorite activity. What am I supposed to be doing? Throwing a baseball?
2025-07-25 20:29:00
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Definitely Not Gary :
Look what happened to the entirety of the psychology lexicon. Every selfish person you meet isn't a narcissist. No, just because you upset that person doesn't mean they were triggered.
2025-07-25 06:50:14
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C.L. Phinney :
Reminds me of white knighting which evolved into simping. Intended to call out the “nice guy” archetype, but turned into men not being able to stand up or compliment women
2025-07-25 13:36:30
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colby_landwehr :
It’s now considered performative to read anything but a smartphone in public now. We cooked ourselves.
2025-07-25 16:48:12
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tedward42 :
Honestly I've gotten to a point where I think all you can do is go out and be authentically you, if someone wants to call you performative for it they probably aren't someone you wanna talk to anyway
2025-07-26 01:08:11
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