@hail.marie_: Ever since i was little i NEEDED to have a perfect life. I would have a husband, with lots of babies. not rich, but not soup kitchen poor. I needed a home, where love was easy and effortless and nothing was chosen over me. No drugs, no narcissistic behavior, no crying alone. I dreamed of wildflowers, a beautiful big wedding, everything happening in the “correct order” a home, a husband, children. I was almost there. For the past few months all i could think about was how i was almost there. but in reality i wasnt. I needed this dream so bad that i settled. After years of begging people to choose me I DIDNT EVEN CHOOSE MYSELF! I just wanted the perfect family so quick that i looked past everything wrong and settled. Now it’s gone. i will never have the textbook family. all of children by one man. Waking up on a tuesday morning, opening the windows and having my coffee an hour before ALL of my babies come running to the breakfast table. it is gut wrenching, and as much as it kills me to say, it’s my fault. i should have waited, i should have been patient and seeked out Gods wisdom. but i thought my plan was better. i thought i knew what i needed more than He did. Although, it isn’t how i intended it to be, it is becoming beautiful, everyday i wake up to a new realization. My wildflowers are coming, my tuesdays are coming, and although i wont have my first baby all of the time, my sweet, beautiful boy. He will always have a happy mother, a reliant mother, someone he can come to and never feel like he was an annoyance in my life. Because i am being watered, by God, and the most caring man i have ever met. He will see me happy, thriving, beautiful. I am grateful that THAT is the woman he gets to be raised by. I love you so much Easton, there so many amazing years are coming our way.

hailey ♡

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Saturday 26 July 2025 05:51:32 GMT