Sidan Kettlewergas :
I used to be the kind of student teachers talked about — motivated, focused, consistently at the top of my class. I never even chased being the best it just somehow happened. Others would compete with me and be mad at least for being top of class. But I really didn’t try so hard. It always happened with my lowest efforts.
Now, I study harder than I ever have, and I barely scrape by. I failed my finals last summer. I had the chance to retake the exams in December, but the pressure overwhelmed me. I was awake for over 30 hours straight, spiraling into what felt like madness. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t breathe without anxiety gripping me. My mom had to drag me to the doctor, and I was given a sick note. I didn’t retake the exams. Now, the new retake is next week. I should be ready but I feel like I’ve learned nothing. The fear is back, stronger than ever. I feel paralyzed by the pressure, by the idea that I might not make it. All my life, my academic strength defined me. It was who I was what I was proud of and honestly what I liked most about myself. And now it’s gone.
I want to be a doctor. But if I fail these exams that dream is over. Wanna know how bad it is? even if i would’ve started 6 months ago i would barely pass.
I’m exhausted. I’m scared. Does this ever go away? Am i done for? Should I just give up? There is literally no motivation for me right know. This is so embarassing i haven’t even told my closest friends that i failed. I just never addressed it and everytime it comes to my studies i just say „i am doing a gap year“ if i fail these exams next week that gap year turns into forever gap. lmao.
2025-08-02 00:05:40