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Carlos Bolaños
Carlos Bolaños
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Wednesday 30 July 2025 23:54:58 GMT
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2025-07-31 03:35:17
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When someone else’s children are loudly misbehaving in a public space—running between tables, shouting, touching other diners—and the parents do absolutely nothing, it’s frustrating. But according to etiquette, intervening directly is never appropriate. Correcting a child is socially equivalent to scolding their parent, and that’s a major breach, especially in polite company. Here’s what *you* can do instead: 1. **Don’t engage.** No shushing, no side comments, no eye-rolls. That puts you on their level. 2. **Exit gracefully** if it’s unbearable. Quietly ask for your check or to be reseated. 3. **Delegate** by discreetly speaking to staff: “Would you mind checking on that table? It’s gotten quite lively.” 4. **Take the high road.** No theatrics, no muttering. 5. **If you know the parent personally,** wait until later and offer help: “It looked a little hectic tonight—happy to tag team next time.” Now: what should good parents actually do in this situation? 1. **Read the room.** If your child can’t sit still for 90 minutes, skip the chic restaurant and opt for takeout or patio dining. 2. **Prep before arrival.** “We sit in our seats, use quiet voices, and stay with the grown-ups.” Kids rise to clear expectations. 3. **Bring quiet distractions.** Think crayons, sticker books, or a discreet screen with headphones—not letting them roam free. 4. **Remove and regroup.** If your child starts shrieking, take them outside immediately. Return only when they’re calm. 5. **Apologize sincerely** if the disruption affects others: “I’m so sorry—we’ll be more mindful next time.” No sarcasm, no deflecting. And how much noise is too much? Enter the **Kiki Astor Commotion Scale™**: * **Level 1 – Angelic:** Sitting, eating, coloring. Ideal. * **Level 2 – Minor fuss:** Dropped fork, spilled juice. Totally fine. * **Level 3 – Restless:** Standing by the table, whining. Needs quick redirecting. * **Level 4 – Disruptive:** Running, yelling, invading others’ space. Not acceptable—time to leave. * **Level 5 – Total chaos:** Screaming, throwing, unchecked by adults. Unforgivable in a civilized setting. Bottom line: children are welcome in public when their parents behave like thoughtful hosts—not disengaged bystanders.
When someone else’s children are loudly misbehaving in a public space—running between tables, shouting, touching other diners—and the parents do absolutely nothing, it’s frustrating. But according to etiquette, intervening directly is never appropriate. Correcting a child is socially equivalent to scolding their parent, and that’s a major breach, especially in polite company. Here’s what *you* can do instead: 1. **Don’t engage.** No shushing, no side comments, no eye-rolls. That puts you on their level. 2. **Exit gracefully** if it’s unbearable. Quietly ask for your check or to be reseated. 3. **Delegate** by discreetly speaking to staff: “Would you mind checking on that table? It’s gotten quite lively.” 4. **Take the high road.** No theatrics, no muttering. 5. **If you know the parent personally,** wait until later and offer help: “It looked a little hectic tonight—happy to tag team next time.” Now: what should good parents actually do in this situation? 1. **Read the room.** If your child can’t sit still for 90 minutes, skip the chic restaurant and opt for takeout or patio dining. 2. **Prep before arrival.** “We sit in our seats, use quiet voices, and stay with the grown-ups.” Kids rise to clear expectations. 3. **Bring quiet distractions.** Think crayons, sticker books, or a discreet screen with headphones—not letting them roam free. 4. **Remove and regroup.** If your child starts shrieking, take them outside immediately. Return only when they’re calm. 5. **Apologize sincerely** if the disruption affects others: “I’m so sorry—we’ll be more mindful next time.” No sarcasm, no deflecting. And how much noise is too much? Enter the **Kiki Astor Commotion Scale™**: * **Level 1 – Angelic:** Sitting, eating, coloring. Ideal. * **Level 2 – Minor fuss:** Dropped fork, spilled juice. Totally fine. * **Level 3 – Restless:** Standing by the table, whining. Needs quick redirecting. * **Level 4 – Disruptive:** Running, yelling, invading others’ space. Not acceptable—time to leave. * **Level 5 – Total chaos:** Screaming, throwing, unchecked by adults. Unforgivable in a civilized setting. Bottom line: children are welcome in public when their parents behave like thoughtful hosts—not disengaged bystanders.

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