dej4n1ra :
I felt frustrated by your lack of spontaneity and willingness to take risks for me, by the lack of anything concrete. I always wanted to see you and was almost ready to handle the distance for you, but I always felt like you made our meeting depend on whether we’d sleep together. Not that the idea itself bothered me if it had happened naturally, but I felt like you weren’t ready to take the risk of seeing me unless you were sure you’d at least get something out of it. And that’s not the kind of selfless love I want to receive.
Even when I hinted that we could find a solution or see each other, it was always ‘too far’ or ‘not doable,’ so I could feel it wasn’t really one of your priorities. That’s fair on your end, but again, it held me back from investing myself more in you.
Same thing when it comes to ‘the concrete’ during all the time we talked, I would’ve loved to receive at least one trace of you: a bouquet, a thoughtful gesture, a handwritten letter… just something real that proved you exist outside my phone.
That’s for what was done. Now, about your personality itself, there were also things that bothered me. First, the whole situation where you tried to get me to do things I didn’t want to do… Even though it didn’t happen, it made me uncomfortable, and I didn’t like the way you seemed to enjoy pushing my limits.
As for why I ran away, it wasn’t only because of you I had my own fears and blockages too. I was really scared to stay, because no matter what I did, I felt like you could see right through me. So my way of protecting myself was to leave and catch my breath.
My mistake was thinking that you could guess what I needed instead of communicating it directly. It was easier to run away, but it’s not like leaving made me happy or that I was better off without you it’s just that if I had stayed, I felt like I would’ve melted, burned inside you, and lost myself.
What I’d like is for you to acknowledge that you loved as much as I did, that I mattered, that it was despite yourself, and that you were aware of what we had but that you were as scared as I was and as protecting yourself as I was from you. This is my message in a bottle for you
2025-10-06 03:55:18