abii :
At first, akala ko nakausad na ako, but then the more I saw him and heard about him, I realized na I still care about him and I do still crave for every single conversation we had. I thought it was "easy" for me to move on kasi he talked to me, gave a proper goodbye, and nagkaroon na ng closure, but I never expected that because of him saying goodbye so appropriately and gently, mas mararamdaman ko yung paghihinayang ko sa paghihiwalay namin. I mean, that's what I wanted, I wanted the proper goodbye my past never gave me, but when I did receive it from him, it honestly didn't feel right for me, why? Out of all people, why does it gotta be him to tell me that? After being the first guy I actually introduced to my parents? After being the first guy I showed to others without being ashamed? After being the first guy to actually understand me even if I'm being moody or distant? After being the first guy I didn't feel rushed with? After being the first guy I actually felt comfortable with being more feminine? I don't know, there's so much more. He has appeared in my dreams for quite a long time now, and it makes me even more miserable, he just actually appeared in my last dream, and what he did in it just made me think about our relationship even more. I do appreciate all the efforts he has made and I am happy that it all happened, but a part of me still wishes for him to come back.
2025-06-24 15:15:17